No, no…THIS is the First Law of the App Store

27 06 2011

Yeah, forget that other thing. The First Law states that if I read your app description and I still have no clue what your game is and how to play it, you need a new app store description.


First Law of the App Store

26 06 2011

If your app description says your game is addictive, there’s a 99.3% chance, scientifically determined, that it isn’t. Seriously, have you noticed that every other app out there, particularly with puzzle games, claims to be addictive? Heck, good thing all those games aren’t addictive, because we’d never come up for air.

One of these days, I’m going to grab a whole bunch of descriptions from app store games and sift through for some of the most common words.

Meet Scoop

19 06 2011

So, a site built around reviews of the tragically bad needs a different kind of review scale. Since the site is geared toward identifying the worst of the worst, the highest score should mean we’re found something epically bad. We need to convey that visually. That’s where the new ICFAS mascot comes in.

Meet Scoop: 

As far as a scale goes, there’s something that bothers me on many review sites: they don’t use the full range of scores. It is meaningless to have a scale from 1-10 if nothing ever scores lower than a 5 or 6. We’re going to go with a much smaller scale.

The idea is to separate games out into one of three categories. A game is either horrifically bad, not very good (which is pretty much what we expect), or better than expected, maybe even half-decent. So we are using a scale of one to three pile of our buddy scoop. where one would be for a game that actually isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. A single scoop might actually be worth paying money for. A double scoop would indicate a game that isn’t very good, as expected, but isn’t atrocious. A triple scoop represents the very worst of the worst. If you see Scoop, but he’s not on fire, that’s considered a half-scoop.

My best friend proclaimed he would actually visit a website with reviews like that and my wife couldn’t decide if I were truly brilliant or insane. Thoughts? (there I go, talking to myself again…)

Exploring the seamy underbelly of the iOS

19 06 2011

I love Apple’s App Store. I have dozens of apps on both iPhone and iPad, not counting the piles of deleted apps that were once enjoyed but no longer desired or simply those I tried and wished I hadn’t. Most of those apps are games. You know some of them, like Angry Birds, Bejeweled, and Puzzle Quest. There are plenty of others you may not know, such as Day of the Oasis, Sword & Poker, and Pinball Tristan.

There are all sorts of places you can go to find out about great games for iOS, one of my favorites being Touch Arcade. But there are many games that show up on the app store that you’ll probably never hear about because they aren’t as professional-looking. This is a shame, because there’s some serious entertainment value among them.

So the original idea behind this blog was to scour the app store for the absolute worst it has to offer and serve it up on a silver platter so we could laugh at bad translations and marvel at the general weirdness. But then, I had a very dangerous idea. Why not actually BUY the most ridiculous apps I can find, play them, and write up reviews?

So, welcome to It Came From the App Store.